Struggling To Downsize; How To Get Your Head In The Game

Getting my head into downsizing was probably the hardest part of all the challenges of going tiny. It was like I needed to reprogramme my brain, my years of saving for the beautiful possessions I have desired and collected.

Even now, 7 years after downsizing I find habits hard to break. My inner voice still challenges me with odd, 

‘Good luck saying goodbye to that’ 

Or

‘Yes, I really want this’.

In my last post, ‘Struggling To Downsizes, The Never Simple Truth Of Why’, I explored the simple truths as to why I struggled with downsizing. Truths about myself, my needs and the mental and physical challenges that where ahead of me. 

In this post I play couch phycologist and give you my mind-shifts strategies that gently lifted me from my head fog and paralysis to a path forward. 

In my next post, ‘Struggling To Downsize; Practical Downsizing Strategies That Work’,  I play amateur coach and give you my practical downsizing strategies that shifted me from my physical inertia into action.

Couch Phycologist Downsizing strategies that helped me move forward

I needed strategies to help me: 

• Say goodbye to stuff I cherished 
• Let go of what anchored me to the past
• Create space for the future

Here goes, couch phycologist (aka me) and my head strategies that helped me move forward:

Couch Phycologist Downsizing Strategy #1 – Pay it forward.

Paying it forward can mean many things. It could mean pass on your knowledge and experience or teach a particular skill or simply give someone your time without expectation of anything in return. 

It could also mean – passing on possessions. 

As mentioned in my previous post, I was really stuck with what should I do with my jewellery tools. Thirty years of trade tools. Friends had offered to store them for me, however that did not sit well with me. Tools were made to be used. In the jewellery trade there is an old and almost dead tradition that when a jeweller either retires or passes, he gifts his tools to the person he believes will carry on the tradition. 

I had pondered this for a while and decided to do so. It was not a matter of “shall I do this”? or “who do I give my tools to“? I was after all, long out of the trade. I knew an enthusiastic self-taught jeweller who had been a professional photographer. In fact, he was engaged to photograph one of my limited-edition men’s jewellery range. My mind one day connected the two ideas together after running into him at the local craft market with his gorgeous hand made jewellery so beautifully presented. An idea nestled in my mind. He was passionate, dedicated and had started teaching others. I was impressed. I invited him over one day and sitting on our back deck asked him if he needed any of my tools. I watched as he explored my toolboxes and asked questions about tools he had never seen before. At this stage he had no idea I was intending to gift them to him. He was speechless when I told him. 

I could have broken up my collection, sold of bits and pieces, haggled over prices. Instead, I gifted him the entire collection (except for a small set of hand tools which he already had). He was gob smacked. We loaded his car until the wheels could not take any more and that was the first of his trips to take his new (my old) tools home.

Several things happened over the next few weeks and months. The first, was he made me a pair of earrings. Kevin Wilton Totally unexpected and I love them. Secondly, I started getting messages with a photo of a tool asking what it was? What it is used for and how to use it? I replied with requested information and so my teaching journey continued. The third thing was he had all but given up his photography practice and he wanted to ‘pay it forward’ with his own tools of trade. I connected him to a rising photographer. She visited his workshop and he gifted her many tools of his trade.

Couch Phycologist Downsizing Strategy #2 – Set it free.

We sold lots of items. Treasured items with their own history. What I did not realise at the time was that they would soon take on a new life and a new story. 

One such story; We had my mother-in-law’s Royal Doulton tea set. With family members overseas it was not practical to pass it on to anyone. We made the hard decision to sell it.

To my delight the lady who bought it had given her daughter for her 21st a Royal Doulton set, however at the time she could not afford the teapot. Our set had the teapot. She bought the set for her daughter for her 30th birthday present. 

Mother, daughter and granddaughter all came to pick it up. The daughter was thrilled, teary even. I could see she loved it and would cherish it. As someone who loves tea in fine China, this made me happy as I knew that the tea set was going to a family that would cherish them. I could see the granddaughter already appreciated fine China and informed me she had started her own little collection.  

Now three generations sit and enjoy their tea from their Royal Doulton set.

In letting go and setting free some of the possessions that I loved, that allowed them to go on their own journey. 

I had many such stories with saying good-bye to my loved possessions.

A famous artist Horacio Cardozo now has one of my easels and used it as he painted a commission for our new home. I know there is an irony there.

I used to paint big florals. I had a small collection of my paintings kicking around. I sold some of them. A couple of buyers sent me pictures of my paintings in their new home. That gave me a thrill.

Some of my original paintings are now feature pieces in their new homes. Some of our art is hanging on the walls at my sister Judi Stewart and a few friends’ places.

Our gorgeous egg chair is now a statement piece in a photography studio and I suspect will be used in many photo shoots.

Two of our bookcases were set up as a reading corner and loaded with classics and many more of our books are creating more hours of enjoyment for many others.

While it is hard to let it go, receiving a photo of something that was ours set up in its new home is wonderful. 

So, if you are wondering should you sell something or give it away, it does not matter. What matters is to set it free, free to create new stories and give others joy.

Couch Phycologist Downsizing Strategy #3 – Create space for the future

I found often what I was holding on to was an anchor to the past. In many cases a happy anchor. However, being anchored in my old life was holding me back. My husband and I were going into semi-retirement and wanted to travel. We had no need for a big house full of stuff. If we were going to live the new life we had talked about; I needed to replace my high heels with jandals and hiking shoes, my corporate wardrobe with shorts and t-shirts and swap make-up for sunscreen and a hat. We wanted to sail. Our tiny home is a 15m yacht with no room for my corporate wardrobe and heels alongside my new casual gear. I had to create space for the future we had dreamed about.

Some days are easier than others… Because it is hard. It is a fundamental shift in thinking and direction. After all we have been collecting (consciously and unconsciously) to fill our home with things that make us happy. Letting the very same items go is challenging.

Getting my head around it was one thing. Actually doing it was another. 

Having strategies gets you started

You now have my three strategies you could adopt. You should do your own research. Additionally, ask friends and family for their suggestions. Preferably those who are more organised than you. They know you well and may have a better idea about what could work for you. Be open minded. Listen to what they say and think about it. Your first reaction could be, ‘No way’, even if you don’t say it, ponder the proposed suggestion for a bit, ask questions, and ask yourself, ‘Could I do that?’

For most of us downsizing, you will be working to an end date. I had 6 months. You would think that would have been plenty of time. Alas no. In the end there were things I wished I could have found just the right person for, however I didn’t. And so, the treasured item was taken to the local op shop to find its own path forward. I suggest you have a schedule. Even if you create a schedule (books Saturday, Clothes Sunday etc) it will take longer than you think. Pick one area at a time to tackle and give yourself breaks, days even before tackling the next area. You will need the breaks, well I did.

I did not have the strategies ‘in advance’. For me, I first learnt of these strategies as my friends introduced me to them. It was simply how it worked out. You, on the other hand, are armed with strategies you can build on.

Now its time to start downsizing

There is no stopping now, the time has come to start downsizing. It is way too easy to procrastinate. If you find yourself procrastinating, my next post will help you. I share how I made the tough decisions on what to keep and what to let go. I share my

Practical downsizing strategies that worked.