Struggling To Downsize; The Never Simple Truth Of Why

For most of us one of the challenges of going tiny is downsizing… Why? Because, downsizing your home is hard. If you have done it, I take my hat off to you. Well done. To me it is such an accomplishment that tends to get trivialised. 

I struggled to downsize, seriously struggled… Dread the thought.

Downsizing, conjures up many mixed emotions and random thoughts… My inner dialogue goes into overdrive.

‘Where to start? What to let go? 

No wait… 

What to keep..?’ 

As I pondered these thoughts I hit distraction after distraction.

I needed a break, a cup of tea, a beer and / or something stronger. It was easy to get overwhelmed. At times the task seemed impossible. 

Naturally, we at Absolute Tiny Homes live small. We have all gone through our own journey and struggle with downsizing. I am happy to share some of my realisations with the hope that maybe some of my learnings may help you.

All these emotions were real, and for some of us (me) they were more intense than others (my hubby). It is important to respect each other’s challenges, even if you don’t understand them.

The Challenges of Going Tiny

I struggled for several reasons. In time I learnt that my downsizing struggles fell into these categories:

• Possessions and collections
• Habits
• Silly conversations with myself
• Family and friends’ mementos 
• My identity

Struggling to let go of possessions and collections

As I stared at the next possession whose future was under consideration my inner dialog included things like:

• ‘Am I really letting that go? I saved for sooo long for it.’

• ‘Wow, I spent (or wasted) a lot of money on this.’
• ‘I love this collection. I really need it to go to a good home.’

I cherished my possessions and collections. I rapidly realised I was in for a battle, with myself.

Habits

One of my biggest surprises was a realisation about myself. 

I learnt that I had this backup strategy thing going. I always had to have back-ups of everything. Literally everything from dishwashing liquid to deodorant. 

True. I discovered I had about 5 bottles of deodorant, one in the bathroom, bedroom, car, my handbag… and I can’t remember the final location. Excessive. If you were to ask me why, I could easily explain that I am super organised, project manager etc, etc, etc. Digging a little deeper the truth is simply that I hate wasting time to go to the shops to buy another essential item. Time that could be better spent doing something way more interesting and fun. 

To be clear, I am not saying don’t have back-ups. For me I had to moderate how much of anything I needed to have in my new tiny home. This meant modifying 30 years of a finely tuned back up strategy. It became easier to think about modifying my strategy rather than reducing the number of deodorant bottles I have. Now I typically have two. Two is better than five, right… Thus the intention of my backup strategy was to adapt it to come into alignment with my downsizing strategy. I just did not know it at that point in time.

Silly conversations

‘Do I take this (hair) conditioner or that conditioner. How did I end up with so many?’ (There is a theme here…. While I ponder this awareness I shout, “Hey baby, do you want a cup of tea?” Clearly which conditioner to toss out (or give away) was too hard a decision for now. Best to be decided later. 

Meanwhile over a cuppa I explain to my husband after he asked, “Why so many?” “Well, there is the purple one to take the brazzy tones out of my silver hair, the extra moisturiser, antifizz, etc…” You get the idea. I think he regretted asking.

For me it was best to have fewer of those conversations with my husband, and more with myself. Allow these conversations to flow. Not allowing yourself this inner dialogue is like denying yourself the next cup of tea. Pointless. The main thing here is to put a time limit on them and don’t be too hard on yourself. In this journey you will learn many interesting things about yourself, often through these silly conversations.

Struggling to let go of family and friends’ mementos

I had kept many notes, cards and photos of people who I loved, people who have influenced me and helped me along the way. These were precious to me. These were hard, truly, truly hard to let go of. 

I paired it back and still have a small box with these much-loved mementos. I narrowed it down to one for each person. I took photos of the rest. I hope to one day make a photobook with them in it. That way I can more easily flick through my memories than scrolling back the years in my phone photo gallery. The remaining items I have are kept close and prominent. I see a birthday card on the wall and smile remembering a moment with the sender. 

My identity

For me downsizing coincided with a career change. I had possessions from two careers to sort out. For the first 10 years of my working life I worked as a jeweller and transitioned into the corporate world consulting in communication for 20+ years.

I was still holding on to the tools from my jewellery trade. I had not worked as a jeweller for almost 30 years. I had pulled my tools out every now and again. My husband insisted I make his wedding ring. I honestly said, “You sure you don’t want a bought one?” He was adamant that I make his ring.

Many friends offered to store my tools for me, just in case I wanted to make jewellery again. I was pretty clear I did not. There was an up-and-coming self-taught guy who I admire his work ethic and persistence. I gifted my tools to him. He was rapped, he has gone on from strength to strength and now runs jewellery making workshops. I was so happy to see my tools being used rather than languishing in a box in someone’s garage.  They were made to be used and appreciated. Now they continue to make beautiful items that give others joy. This was important to me.

The never simple truth

Downsizing is not simple. There are the little things and the big things. And at times the combination becomes over whelming.

The reality is, it is tough. I was my biggest hinderance and equally the biggest enabler to the whole downsizing process. 

It was up to me. I had friends help and I looked for professional help as well. In particular, my sister dragged me through the last 2 or 3 dreadful days where I was running out of time. I was lucky that I was not doing this alone. Focusing on the future was my guiding compass.

The future

My husband and I were transiting into new stages in our lives. We had new goals which had different needs. We were both shifting from corporate careers to a new more relaxed pace in life. (As I write this I realise I still have two corporate dresses that I should let go, one of these days).

I came to realise in my pondering, with a beer in hand, that; 

“Downsizing is a journey into our past and the thoughts and emotions that anchored us there. It is also the journey that takes us forward towards our new future.”

-Tess Brook

Downsizing is an on-going journey. For some it is much easier. Well for my husband it was. He would shake his head in disbelief as he did not think it was that hard. He did however let me muddle my way through it as each person’s journey is theirs alone to navigate. 

If you resonate with my struggles but find yourself not knowing where to start, perhaps my next two posts will help you. 

‘Struggling to Downsize; How To Get Your Head In The Game’.

‘Struggling to Downsize; Practical Downsizing Strategies That Work’.

It is worth it.